Monday, January 11, 2010

Up and down and side side side

So, two of the three parking spaces in front of my dentist's steps are handicapped spaces.

My dentist office has TVs in the ceiling. The hygienist asked if I wanted the headphones and the remote. I declined. I'd rather not have the TV there at all. First, I don't want my dental hygienist to worry if the super-bright spotlight she shines into my mouth is blocking my view of the TV. Get all the light you need to do your job. Second, I keep imagining the TV falling onto my face.

My hygienist is very nice. I don't envy her job AT ALL, scraping goo off strangers' teeth. It'd be nice to try and cheer her up a little. Someone needs to invent a Dental Patient Translator. How many times has your hygienist asked a question, but all you can say is, "Huurgh, huh-urhgh," with her fingers poking around in your mouth?

Instead of "hurgle-gawk-sthpit," it'd be great to say, "Why do dentists have the highest suicide rate? Because they're always looking down in the mouth."

Or, instead of "gaaah-rhh hherh gak," she'd hear, "Did you notice I wrote 'Wash Me' on my front teeth?"

Or "nawnghr ahgk SH*T!": "Say, do you Facebook? I have a son, single, who's your--OW! THAT FRIGGIN' HURT!"

Or, "hmmmmmmmmmmmmm er, um, awgk," translates as "Is that your breast on my forehead? I'm not sure I should be comfortable with that. Does my insurance cover that?"

All I'm saying is, a Dental Patient Translator would improve patient/hygienist relations a lot more than having a TV waiting above to crush their skulls.

1 comment:

Feisty Irish Wench said...

I wish my dentist had something to distract me. Instead I have nothing but the brain pain caused by the sonic cleaner thing. Quite honestly, I don't care if it's more efficient. Give me the old fashioned method that makes my gums bleed. I won't have a 6 hour headache afterwards.