Sunday, August 3, 2008

My latest celeb fantasy

So we all went to the beach!

My very favorite thing to do on the beach is to hunt seashells. I found this one (above) today within 90 seconds of dropping the cooler on the sand. I see all the shells, bits of color and light, dancing glints. And it's all so beautiful, and it's like seeing a crowd of people, how each one is beautiful and different, and -- sheeesh, what the heck did I put in this Diet Dr. Pepper?

I don't think seashell hunting could get much better.

And, then I go and start thinking again. Dangnabbit.

Which celebrity would I like to go seashell hunting with? I've seen people blog celebrities they'd like to have a dinner party with, slumber party, and (duh) do "it" with, but I'm lame.

So, I'm going to have to go with Lorelei Gilmore. Ok, sure, she's fictional, but it is my fantasy, right? Why Lorelei? She's quick witted, and I'd love to just chit-chat while hunting seashells...


"So, you're Eric?"

"Yep. Call me Tinkguy. No one else does. Have any trouble finding the beach?"

"Not really. Just turned east and kept driving until I found it."

"Nice outfit."

"I thought you might recognize these daisy-dukes from episode two."

"Capris were in the laundry? The shirt- Very chic."

"Thanks. It's Paul Anka's. He wears all my old stuff and then I steal it back. Shall we hunt seashells?"

"Oh, yeah, sure." I hand Lorelei her bucket.

"So, how do you hunt seashells? Do we need to put up a shell blind? Is there a shell call I need to learn? Here, Shelley, Shelley, Shelley? Here Percy Bysshe Shelley!"

"That sounded funnier in your head, right?"

"Say, here's a shell! Got one! Well, that's it. I had a swell time. We should do this again."

"Maybe in the next 10 seconds?"

"Ooo! I found another! Wow, I'm really good at this!"

"A natural."

"Bamm! In your face! I've bagged a half-dozen keepers, and you're just standing there like the beach's door greeter."

"Maybe we could walk a little ways?"

"Walk and hunt? At the same time? Do you think I'm ready?"

"Hmm. You might accidentally step on my foot."

"Not very Cheney-esque."

"I could accidentally throw a jellyfish at your face."

"Say, there's an orange flag over that lifeguard."

"It means the terror threat level is high."

"So, one of these plovers could be terrorist?"

"Just the ones on the Do Not Fly List. And that crab over there is looking shifty. I don't know him." I point to it as it ducks into a hole.

"Species profiling. It had to happen. Next, you'll be telling me I shouldn't be caught dead in the water with a shark."


So, what's your lamest celeb fantasy?

Hmmm. Celebrity I'd most like to knit socks for...

1 comment:

Persnickety Ticker said...

Bwahahaha! This was hilarious! I would definitely buy tickets to any show your imagination put on!